This week in stupid lawsuits: Stupid attempts at class actions.

Now I'm sure you've all heard that there's a company out there threatening to sue McDonald's, because Happy Meal toys trick kids into wanting Happy Meals and Happy Meals are BAAAAAAAD for them. And while I do think better parenting would fix the solution, that's not even the winner for stupid lawsuits in the food category.

The winner, would be Ms. Payton McClure, of NYC, who is trying to get a class action together against General Mills, and more specifically, Fruit Roll Ups. Ms. McClure claims to be a lifelong consumer of Fruit Roll Ups and has recently discovered, SHOCKINGLY! ... that these snacks are not actually health food? WHO KNEW?

According to her complaint, Ms. McClure alleges that General Mills failed to properly disclose that its fruit products contain partially hydrogenated oil. Excuse her? Has she ever actually SEEN a Fruit Roll Up ... strawberries don't naturally come like that m'dear, it takes some processing. And second of all, I'm pretty sure General Mills discloses the ingredients of their product every time they produce a nutrition label, which is on every little last box out there, courtesy of the FDA.

The complaint stated that use of the oil cause marketing over the past 6 years to be "false and misleading." General Mills is alleged to have advertised that its fruit snacks were "nutritious," "healthy to consume," "naturally flavored," "low fat," and "a good source of Vitamin C," and thus deserved premium prices.

Ms. McClure it's called advertising. They are TRYING to sell you their product. They are not going to say "See this gummy like fruit-ish product, it's mostly oil and byproducts" ... Instead they say it's "nutritious and healthy to consume" which it is, it really only needs a comparison snack, such as "potato chips" or "a stick of butter." And actually, I don't even think that's fair to potato chips, since I've seen even those advertised as healthy recently.

My favorite advertising for Fruit Roll Ups is THIS video, which clearly shows all of the supposed outrageous lies General Mills has been telling Ms. McClure.

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The other winner for stupid lawsuits this week comes in the form of a law firm, as opposed to an individual. Kershaw, Cutter, and Ratinoff (who previously filed a suit regarding Farmville... that's right, as if the facebook app didn't get enough coverage in life) has decided to try and drum up a class action suit against the iPhone4.

For what you may ask? Have they been exploding? And causing traumatic harm to users and those that happen to be nearby? Have they been proven to be an actual cause of cancer? Are people getting iPhone4 shaped lumps in their heads?

No, not exactly. Kershaw, Cutter, and Ratinoff want to commence a class action against Apple and the iPhone4 based on dropped calls and spotty service. Which to me, if not most people, would seem like a reasonable risk in a cell phone. Not to mention that pretty much every iPhone4 buyer out there purchased his or her phone, sight unseen! Go figure... a new device might have some bugs that need to be worked out. Could this be reasonably common with new consumer technology? NO! It must needs be deviousness on the part of Apple! SUE! SUE! SUE!

Well, that's it for me this week. Be sure to let me know if you hear of other stupid lawsuits going on out there in the big, bad world of lawsuit happy hipsters.

iPhone Apps: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly...

It's the age of the iPhone, that much is clear. They're everywhere, and some of them are quite pretty in their shiny cases with their shiny screens. I mean even the name is cute, with the little i and the big P and whatnot.

But I believe the apps thing had gotten a little out of control.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think that there are some pretty good apps. Such as the LexisNexis app for lawyers. I think this one is awesome. Opposing counsel cites some case you've never heard of in trial? NO PROBLEM! You've got your iPhone. You ask the judge for a short recess, as you suddenly need to use the bathroom. In the bathroom, you pull out the trusty iPhone, log on to the Lexis app, you look up said case, find a case that distinguishes it, and SCORE, you argue the snot out of the other attorney. This app = useful.

I think that there are other useful apps, such as anything that do the GPS directions things, the Zagat app (so you don't eat bad food ... although I personally prefer just chancing restaurants in cities I don't know), hell, there's even apps that will train you in CPR, which could come in very handy one day.

However, then there are some of the stupidest apps in the world. Take for instance, 5 Minutes to Kill (Yourself) ... an app provided by Adult Swim (which contradictorily, I'm in love with), which is a game in which rather than going to a meeting at work, you have to find something in the office with which to kill yourself. Now, to give this game credit, the game office has a shark tank. However, people are probably playing this game at work, as the commercial advises that you should play it during boring meetings. I would bet a number of these people work for state governments (No offense Miss Cleo... I was thinking of the legislators themselves). And I'm just waiting for the day when someone DOES off themselves at work as opposed to going to a meeting, and this app is found on their iPhone and the family sues the creators. It'll happen. I'd place money on it. $5 says it happens in the next 3 years, you can hold me to it.

Also on my shit list (pun INtended) is Poo Log, the iPhone app where you keep track of your bowel movements. The only people that should be keeping track of bowel movements are patients with some sort of disease in hospitals and people who have submitted themselves for medical experiements (and therefore being paid handsomely). I mean, really, there has to be something more productive to do with your time than to keep track of when you make stool. Come visit me instead, I'll teach you how to knit.

Somewhat humorous to me is the National Threat Advisory app. So you can keep track of just how f*%@ed the good ole US of A is. However, I think at the point when you are hiding in your bunker with all of your canned goods because THIS is happening, it's not a good likelihood that your iPhone will have service. Actually, I think you should step into your bunker now, just to see if it has service, if not, you might want to get on installing a satellite on your bunker.

Also great is the HELP ME app. Which basically you spend $1 on to have a fast way to dial 911. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Who can't dial 911? And unless you keep this bad boy on your first page, it's going to take more time to use it than to CALL 911. I'd love to meet the genius who dreamed this one up and see how many people actually bought it.

I think this shall be my new career goal. Designing and putting out there absolutely ridiculous iPhone apps. I'll make millions. Fucking kangaroos.