Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Road Rage

Every morning as I drive down the Northway, I consider just getting off an exit, finding the nearest Staples and buying a banner that says "KARMA GETS TAILGATERS!" ... This of course, is for the moments during my commute when I'm in a good mood. Most of the rest of the commute is spent yelling things like "WHAT ARE YOU FREAKING CRAZY?" and contemplating flipping people off. However, since I get on the Northday quite a bit upstate, I do not flip people off, as well, some of them probably have shotguns, and are probably crazy, and I'd rather not die in traffic, even in an unconventional shot-gun death in traffic, even if it would make the news.

Seriously, I really do not understand people who think that pushing back and forth through traffic gets them anywhere. The Northway backs up, and it comes to a standstill, yes, this sucks, but freakin deal with it. You nearly colliding with 8 or 9 vehicles in order to get off the exit a mere two spots ahead of where you were (because you were right behind me at exit 12, and managed to get off exit 7 a whopping one space a head of me) blows my mind. It blows my mind even worse when you have CHILDREN in you car. The only thing that makes these maneuvers okay is if one of those children is DYING and you simply must get the to the hospital. Of course, the manner in which you are driving pretty much ensures a good possibility that you will have company when you get there.

The exit is pretty much the point in time when I wish I had another sign that would pop up from the top of my car (written backwards so as to be read clearly in mirrors) that said "HAPPY NOW? NEARLY KILLED ME (and 4 others) AND WE'RE STILL GETTING INTO TROY AT THE SAME TIME!" ... but that would be a big sign, and it would be hard to rig a pop up mechanism. Although a real live pop-up, as opposed to internet ads would be a good twist in life.

Today on my commute, some woman, whose front bumper I COULD NOT SEE, that's how far up my but she was, swerved into the middle lane, cutting off a gentleman who honked at her and shook his fist, then tried to quickly swerve back into the left lane in front of me.... as this would have put her somewhere in the middle of my vehicle, as there was no room to cut me off, I honked. She responded by have what looked like a seizure and flipping me off. I mean all out seizure to... it looked like she was either death metal rocking or slamming her head on the steering wheel.. Well ma'am, I'm sorry for keeping up with the traffic flow and not allowing you to cut me off. Try to keep the crazy down and not cut off the poor guy behind me, who funny enough is now speeding up to not let you back in. Please don't ram his car. Also, stop shaking your head like that, no need to give yourself whiplash BEFORE your inevitable accident.

Of course, this no where near blows my mind as much as the article I read about the Bronx woman the other day. 31 year old Carmen Huertas, after have enough to put her at .1382 stuffed 7 girls aged 11-14 into a sedan (4 door, not a minivan or anything) and proceeded to drive. While driving, she even managed to ask the girls such things as "Who thinks something's gonna happen? Raise your hand. Who thinks we're gonna get into an accident?" Yeah, there's nothing like terrifying a group of young girls before you flip the car, kill one of them, break anothers legs and pretty much injury the crap out of the rest of them. And funny enough, you get to live. Please, please, please get locked up for the rest of your life.

I think everyone should have a drivers test every five years. Possibly more often, because the things that happen out there are scary. Oh yeah, and if you drive drunk, your license should just be yanked. No second chances with a good attorney, etc. etc. That shit should just be taken away for a year or so to give you time to contemplate the horrible things you might have done. Screw with your own life all you want, but when you go putting kids at risk, how do you live with yourself?


  1. As a road rager and the person most likely to not stay in my lane during rush hour traffic, I both object to and agree with some of what you are saying. First, changing lanes to get ahead of someone 2 spots ahead may make you feel that you are actually getting somewhere faster. It may be stupid, but once you do it safely, then who am I to tell you what to do with your gas and tires. Second, this may be sexist and geographically discriminating, but women from upstate New York (and Long Island), for the most part, CANNOT DRIVE. I don't know how they got their licenses, but they obviously were not held to the same standards that I was when I took my test. And because they are so horrible at it, it makes men do silly things to all women and then I am stuck having to defend my position in traffic, when men assume that because I am a woman, they can cut you off! I do think that people should be required to retake their driver's exam. That way, at least once every 5 years, people will be forced to remember the basic rules of the road and anyone who must have bought their license will have it revoked b/c they suck so much!

  2. Leslie, I have absolutely no objection to people changing lanes, I guess I left out where no turn signal is used and there is about 1 inch of room to move.

    Changing lanes to get in a faster one is totally fine, but I don't think people should be cavalier about it when they have babies on board.

    Cause they're typically on the phone/eating/apply mascara at the same time too.

    Scary, scary freaks out there.


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