Friday, March 12, 2010
Alright, apparently this week is the week to file the stupidest, most frivolous lawsuit you can thinkg of. . .
Let's start with LiLo, as I'm sure you all know, Lindsay Lohan is suing E-trade because of the Milk-a-holic Superbowl commercial. She and her idiotic lawyer apparently feel that the Lindsay baby obviously represented Lohan, and as such, she is due 100 million dollars. First of all Lindsay, I'm sorry that Labor Pains is all you've put out (well film wise at least) in the past few years, but really, you can't be this hard up for cash. I mean, I hear you've been on Project Runway. And I know you must be miffed that the Obama administration told you that you were not the positive role model they were looking for when they were campaigning, but this is not the way to stage a comeback.
First of all, you are not Madonna or Cher. Get the hell over yourself. When I hear Lindsay, I don't think about you. I think about people I know with the name, or the E-trade baby, matter of fact. When I hear Madonna, I think of Madonna. Hell, even Angelina's got a better claim than you.
Second,in your birth year Lindsay was the 39th most popular name. That's 39 out of about 1 million names people could have chosen for their kids... pretty damned popular. And apparently it's maintained it's popularity through to today, with many baby naming sites calling it "a very popular name for girls" and ranking it 302 out of 4276 today. And while Baby Name Wizard does note you as a famous Lindsay, it also calls you "tabloid fodder."
And third, what does it say about you, that the second you see a slutty, substance addicted character, you instantly jump to the conclusion that it's all about you? Do me a favor, go get your tubes tied, today.
And to the Lohan lawyer, even if you had a leg to stand on, it's call a parody. Did Tiger sue Saturday Night Live? Does Bill Clinton attempt to sue the NUMEROUS TV commercials and radio ads that impersonate the hell out of him, and poke fun at his extra marital affairs and loose ways with the truth? I hope Lindsay paid you up front, cash money, cause otherwise, you're as dumb as she is and you two deserve each other.
My second favorite, remarkably stupid, favorite lawsuit of the week, was filed by Karen Salmansohn, a self-proclaimed, self-help guru. She, is apparently trying to sue her ex-fiancee because he pledged to leave his wife and have a baby with her.
Ms. Salmansohn, I have known from a young age, that men, will say anything, and I mean ANYTHING to have sex with you. Hell, they might even buy you fertility treatments. Why did no one tell you this growing up?
You told this man on your SECOND date, that you longed to have a child. Well there is mistake number one. You KNEW he was still married. Mistake number two. You fell for the line "I wish aliens would come down and remove my wife so I could marry you right away." Mistake number three. (And lady, I've fallen for some dumb lines, but that takes the cake!)
This man was playing your game, figuring you could not get pregnant, (I mean, you're 49 and it's a first child!) sure he dumped cash and presents and all sorts of stuff on you. He was nailing you. He was happy. Sure he promised you all sorts of things about a baby he never thought would appear. Empty promises are easy to make. When you got pregnant, his little dream world shattered. He remained with his wife, he stopped paying for your high ticket lifestyle. Go figure, it's happened to millions of women. Get back up off your ass, and go back to work.
You don't get to sue a guy because you were dumb enough to believe that he'd actually leave his wife and family. Sure he gave you an engagement ring, but last time I checked, bigamy's totally not cool in these United States, and ummm YOU KNEW ABOUT HIS WIFE AND KIDS! Sue him for child support if the kid is his. But as for you, you're dumb, and I would never hire you as my life coach. Maybe that's why you need this lawsuit, all of your customers have walked away huh?
I also hope your lawyer is charging you upfront! Cause there's another case I would not take on contingency.
And that is this week in remarkably stupid lawsuits. Anyone else hear about other stupid lawsuits?