Thursday, December 17, 2009

iPhone Apps: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly...

It's the age of the iPhone, that much is clear. They're everywhere, and some of them are quite pretty in their shiny cases with their shiny screens. I mean even the name is cute, with the little i and the big P and whatnot.

But I believe the apps thing had gotten a little out of control.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think that there are some pretty good apps. Such as the LexisNexis app for lawyers. I think this one is awesome. Opposing counsel cites some case you've never heard of in trial? NO PROBLEM! You've got your iPhone. You ask the judge for a short recess, as you suddenly need to use the bathroom. In the bathroom, you pull out the trusty iPhone, log on to the Lexis app, you look up said case, find a case that distinguishes it, and SCORE, you argue the snot out of the other attorney. This app = useful.

I think that there are other useful apps, such as anything that do the GPS directions things, the Zagat app (so you don't eat bad food ... although I personally prefer just chancing restaurants in cities I don't know), hell, there's even apps that will train you in CPR, which could come in very handy one day.

However, then there are some of the stupidest apps in the world. Take for instance, 5 Minutes to Kill (Yourself) ... an app provided by Adult Swim (which contradictorily, I'm in love with), which is a game in which rather than going to a meeting at work, you have to find something in the office with which to kill yourself. Now, to give this game credit, the game office has a shark tank. However, people are probably playing this game at work, as the commercial advises that you should play it during boring meetings. I would bet a number of these people work for state governments (No offense Miss Cleo... I was thinking of the legislators themselves). And I'm just waiting for the day when someone DOES off themselves at work as opposed to going to a meeting, and this app is found on their iPhone and the family sues the creators. It'll happen. I'd place money on it. $5 says it happens in the next 3 years, you can hold me to it.

Also on my shit list (pun INtended) is Poo Log, the iPhone app where you keep track of your bowel movements. The only people that should be keeping track of bowel movements are patients with some sort of disease in hospitals and people who have submitted themselves for medical experiements (and therefore being paid handsomely). I mean, really, there has to be something more productive to do with your time than to keep track of when you make stool. Come visit me instead, I'll teach you how to knit.

Somewhat humorous to me is the National Threat Advisory app. So you can keep track of just how f*%@ed the good ole US of A is. However, I think at the point when you are hiding in your bunker with all of your canned goods because THIS is happening, it's not a good likelihood that your iPhone will have service. Actually, I think you should step into your bunker now, just to see if it has service, if not, you might want to get on installing a satellite on your bunker.

Also great is the HELP ME app. Which basically you spend $1 on to have a fast way to dial 911. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? Who can't dial 911? And unless you keep this bad boy on your first page, it's going to take more time to use it than to CALL 911. I'd love to meet the genius who dreamed this one up and see how many people actually bought it.

I think this shall be my new career goal. Designing and putting out there absolutely ridiculous iPhone apps. I'll make millions. Fucking kangaroos.

1 comment:

  1. Haha, no offfense taken! I may get an iPhone just for that application, as I play this game all day anyway...


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